A cord of three strands is not easily broken. One of the strands that makes youth ministry strong has to do with the church. By church, I refer in this article specifically to the local church—the group of believers that meet in a particular geographic location which the youth ministry springs from. Here’s what I want to emphasize: strengthening the youth ministry’s relationship with the local church makes it almost unbreakable.

But trying to describe what that relationship is exactly, is tricky because there is no one-size-fits-all description. Youth ministries and the churches they belong to differ from location to location and come in all sizes and shapes. Still, here are some ways I see, of what that relationship between youth ministry and the church should ideally be:

1.         The youth ministry should be INCLUSIVE of the church, not EXCLUSIVE from the church.

I recall my being a student of the GYMN Level 2 training when I and fellow youth leaders were going over the plans and programs for the youth ministry in the year ahead.  As we discussed, we talked a long time over a particular issue we couldn’t find a solution to. Our trainer came over and as we continued to talk about it, he suggested that perhaps it was a problem that wasn’t really in our jurisdiction. And he was right.

It may be because most youth leaders are young, but oftentimes the road map we envision for the youth who enter our ministry does not include the church as a whole. Meaning, our plans often intend for youth to be involved at all times (when they get to our building) in youth programs and if they learn anything about the church it is often incidental or accidental. But I have found it to be a much richer experience if young people get to know and participate not just in the youth group but also in the church from where it springs.

2.         The youth ministry is UNDER the church’s authority, not of EQUAL authority to the church.

In setting direction, it is best to follow church leadership. Here’s where having a purpose statement can come in handy. If there’s a clear picture of where the church is headed and what the priorities are for the year ahead, you can check your purpose statement to see if this is where the youth ministry is going as well. And if it’s not going in the same direction, then time can be spent discussing with both church and youth leadership on how the youth ministry can unite its goals with the church’s goals.

That may seem a waste of time, especially for those who have already planned out their goals for the year ahead, but taking this additional step will minimize conflict, frustration and wasted effort.

In fact, one potential area of frustration for youth leaders is their relationship with those in authority over them within the church. But when we turn from authority to lift up ourselves, history and the many experiences of people I know point out that no good comes from doing so. Indeed having this authority over you is beneficial. One reason is that through it we can demonstrate obedience and humility to our youth. Authority structures also differ from church to church so a proper understanding of these structures is important. (This paragraph is based on a past YC article on authority, “Working For My Pastor and Church Leadership?”)

3.         We should see our youth ministry as but a PART, with the local church as the WHOLE.

If the local church was a flower, then a youth ministry could be one of the petals–giving beauty to but not a crucial part of it. Or if the local church was a chair, a youth ministry could be a leg of that chair—taking it away would make the chair lose its function. I’m not sure what your ministry is more like but surely the church would be less than it is without your ministry. Still we shouldn’t act as though we were the only ministry.

Youth workers often voice out how little attention, time or budget is given to youth ministry, but for all these, one of the reasons we youth workers do what we do is to build up the local church. We may be passionate about our role but let’s appreciate that we are not the only ministry of the church. There may be other ministries of the church as vital as ours. What is important is that we all serve the same purpose in Christ Jesus.

Now, if you agree with all these or if these put the relationship of the youth ministry with the local church in a new light for you, the practical question is: how can we strengthen the relationship with our church? Here are some suggestions:

1. Know more about your local church. Learn the history of how the church started and get interested in the people who make up your church. Knowing more will make you more connected and increase your love for the church. Also read more about the local church. Much can be found in Biblical passages (like Ephesians 4:1-16, 5:25-32, 1 Corinthians 12:27-14:12), books (try “Stop Dating The Church” by Joshua Harris) and blogs (Jeff Lacine has a great series on the local church starting with this one).

2. Establish relationships with those who build up the church and not just with those involved in the youth group. I love the dedication youth workers give to their young people but there are few who intentionally build relationship with other adults within the church. Establishing a friendship with just one person outside the realm of youth ministry will be of great benefit not only to you but also to the youth under your care as well.

3. See where the church is going: what is the vision being cast by the senior pastor or church leaders? Know what the emphasis is for the year ahead, and get in line with that. Integrate your annual youth plan with the church’s annual plan. This way, resources can be pooled together and the activities of the church also complement the youth activities.

4. Look for ways that youth activities can be merged with adult activities. Too often youth ministry goes it’s own way and the rest of the church does its own thing, but how much more are people built up spiritually, how much more do we become a testimony when we work together on things. There can certainly be events that are specifically focused particularly for young people but there are also programs that are more meaningful if they are not just involving the young people.

There is more to be said about the local church but my intent is to get you to appreciate it more and not neglect it. Make your church a partner of your ministry to young people. And I hope that even as you come to know deeper this unique creation of Christ, you come to know Christ deeper still.

I found myself wrestling with a major ministry decision. I was sitting in a very peaceful location by a small lake of water in a wonderful atmosphere, but in my soul, I was far from being at peace. I was grappling over a big decision. Being highly analytical,  I was making my list of why I should or should not take the step laid before me. Finally, I set down my journal and got up from the table I was sitting at and took a walk. I had taken walks previously around this same lake, but this one was different. Instead of analyzing and wrestling, I simply said, “Lord, Jesus, let’s take a walk”. Within the first 10 steps I asked the Lord about this decision. In the time it would take to lift one foot and put it back down, He spoke to my heart (not audibly, but through His Spirit). The words short and simple yet profound, He simply said, “Feed my sheep”. Wow! He answered quickly and clearly. Of course, I then said, “but what about this area or that area?” Nothing…just “Feed my sheep”. I got it, plain and simple but profound and powerful:

Feed my sheep.

I have been following the steps to answer this call in my life. As I have been taking these steps, He has been teaching me that these three words are each critical in what I do and what you get to do in youth ministry. Let us look at each of these key words and their impact individually.

Feed My Sheep

When I think of food I can list all the things I like and do not like. Some are good for me, some are not so good for me. Allow me to contrast two extremes: candy and meat.

Candy is not a healthy food. Yes it can sustain you for a little while, but usually it has little or no significant nutritional value. Oh, I like candy; in fact there are some chocolates that I love. But, I cannot live by candy alone. In contrast meat is sustaining and provides key nutrients and proteins that not only sustain us but also make us strong. Meats and proteins are critical to a healthy physical and spiritual diet.

The Bible speaks about meat and it compares it against milk several times in the New Testament. Milk is for babies mainly. We do not need milk as adults. However, meat is not best for babies, as they cannot chew it.

Hebrews 5:12–14 speaks of teachers who need to go back to the infantile milk. I do not want to be in that list nor would I want those in my care to be singled out as ones not mature. Jesus also talked about spiritual food and feeding in John 6:35-58, where He is the bread of life.

So allow me to ask the hard questions: “Are you feeding the youth in your group Christian candy (what makes them feel good, but that is not sustaining)? Or are you feeding them the pure meat and bread of the Word, even Jesus Christ?”

I know you have different levels of youth in regards to spiritual maturity, but you should be able to move part or most of your group to a meat and bread level (the growth level and ministry and leadership).

One way to consider this is to use more expository preaching and teaching. Expository teaching is a style where you dig into a given bible passage/section to see what it says (like our Bible Study Methods of Level 2 trainings), then exposing that truth through teaching that Biblical truth. This helps us as teachers to not teach topically, which is very risky. In contrast, topical teaching is where we start with an idea or topic and find or place passages to back up that topic. You and I can make the Bible say anything we want by picking passages from different locations, but going verse by verse protects the truth of the Word and insures that you and those you lead will be exposed to and wrestle with the deep truths of Scripture.

FeedMy Sheep

It is important as shepherds to remember who the sheep belong to. When we think the ministry or those in it are ours versus His, we stand in need of correction. It is a delicate balance between caring for and about others versus thinking they are ours.

This sense of too much ownership can burn you out. We cannot do ministry on our own. He has to do the work in His sheep. Scripture says in Philippians 1:6, “For I am confident of this very thing,that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Never forget that the youth are His, not yours.

Feed MySheep

If you have this idea that working with pretty, clean, lovable, “white as snow” sheep is going to be so nice and fun, think again. First, I remember that I am a sheep, and though I can display fruits of the Spirit and be lovable by others, it is not naturally easy to be in that state. In fact, all of us as sheep are smelly, disease-prone, full of bugs, sores and blemishes. Without the ointment of Christ, the Good Shepherd, we are simple animals headed over a cliff. Shepherding sheep requires getting in the dirt and stink and laying down our life, as mentioned in John 10:11, “I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.”

The number one role of any minister is to be a shepherd of sheep. We would say yes to that statement when it comes to a pastor, but we may not always think of ourselves in youth ministry as shepherds. We are not to be an activity director, babysitter, janitor, transportation guide, fund raiser, trip coordinator, teacher or counselor. Yes, we do these things, but our main goal should always be to shepherd. Shepherding involves the spiritual feeding, leading, guiding and directing of people toward Christ. Without that key element we are no different than any other social agency.

In ministry with youth, you have a higher calling from Christ, the living Savior and Shepherd, a calling to “Feed My Sheep.”

I am not sure where you are with this area of ministry. Maybe you read this today feeling like Peter did in John 21 when he received this calling and command. Peter was feeling inadequate and probably guilty as well. He had recently denied Jesus in public prior to the crucifixion. He not only denied him, but lied about it and ended up swearing as well (Matthew 26:69–75). If you are like Peter, feeling guilty and inadequate, come to Christ, the loving shepherd. Allow Him to care for you personally before you worry about the youth in your care. What the youth in your group needs is a healthy you.

Maybe you are healthy in your walk with Christ, but you have been or are now sensing that the Lord is asking you to stop offering candy and to begin offering meat to those in your care. I am convinced that we sell short or make it too easy for people these days. People and especially youth are up for challenges. Through countless sacrifices, youth excel in sports, they do great things in education and they do great things in industry. So why would we allow them to remain spiritual babies while at the same time have adult-like responsibilities in many other areas of life?

The Good Shepherd will soon call each of us by name to be with Him. I want to hear Him say well done my faithful sheep shepherd. How about you?

Chris Davis
Global Youth Ministry Network

If you are on the path of obscurity, here are two things to note:

First, being unappreciated comes with obscurity. This could lead to feelings of unworthiness. Or it could make you focus all the more on the one who appreciates you most. God loves you. That may sound so cliché that your eyes may have just passed over those words but God does love you. Whatever you are going through right now, despite the circumstance and of your current situation, no matter what that may be, God loves you. One place to really see that is in his Word. If you’re struggling, here are two passages I have benefited from a lot: Psalms 139:1-18 & Luke 12:24-32.

Secondly, if no one tells us we are special we might believe it ourselves and do our work with mediocrity. Understand that God sees every secret deed and no good deed goes unrewarded. Not receiving any compliment for your work does not mean that your work does not have value. In fact, reading Matthew 6:1-21, where Jesus emphasizes God rewarding secret deeds, encourages me to do the best I can before someone notices! If professional athletes strive hard night and day for trophies that will one day turn to dust, what prize awaits those work hard for the Lord of the universe?

On a more personal aspect, youth ministry is really one of the most obscure of roles. The vast majority of young people do not stand out in the places where they live, in the social circles they are in, and even at times within their family.

Think about those in your youth group. Perhaps many of them struggle with the burden of being little known? And think of our calling as ministers to youth. Do not we at times struggle with how little attention is given to our role?

Is not our situation similar to a bunch of ragtag disciples following an unknown teacher 2000 years before us? If we are mindful of that we can begin to appreciate the blessing in that and the blessing it could be. And as we consider the role of obscurity in our ministry, like Jesus we should continue to act in ways that imitate his giving personal affirmation to those who struggle with obscurity. For example, I have been blessed by the shepherd’s heart of youth leaders who have written of plans to lift up the self-esteem of young people in their youth group who feel left out (there are some more ideas in the items below).

What would it be like to see our young people confident in who they are in God even without the approval of the world? I think it would be something like what is seen in Act 4:13:

Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus.

What impressed even those who would oppose the disciples was how unimpressive they were. And the Lord Jesus got the fame. The same hopefully may be said of us and our ministry, for whether it is in obscurity or relative fame, the Lord should be the most famous one of all.

This post and the first two on obscurity are part of the youth connection, bi-monthly articles for youth workers.

Here are further reasons to consider obscurity as a blessing:

1. Those in obscurity are quite free to pursue their ministry. Being well-known, on the other hand, can make it more difficult to pursue your main purpose.

   In Mark 1:42-45, Jesus heals a leper and tells him, “See that you say nothing to anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer for your cleansing what Moses commanded, for a proof to them.”

   But he went out and began to talk freely about it, and to spread the news, so that Jesus could no longer openly enter a town, but was out in desolate places, and people were coming to him from every quarter.

2. Obscurity shows who the determined disciples are. (John 6:60-68, for example, shows a few determined disciples sticking with their leader after he became unpopular). Fame can bring in the crowds but can also attract the wrong kind of followers, creating enemies and false friends. In the ministry of Jesus he got so popular that leading men of his day made plans to put him to death (John 11:53). One time they sent their disciples to him, along with the Herodians, saying, “Teacher, we know that you are true and teach the way of God truthfully…” But Jesus, aware of their malice, said, “Why put me to the test, you hypocrites?” (Matthew 22:16-17)

3. Obscurity keeps us humble and God is with the humble: One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor. Proverbs 29:23

4. Obscurity makes us mindful of God where as fame can keep us focused on ourselves. Fame can be a good thing and there are many examples of people using fame for God’s purposes. But many times fame is used by people to magnify the self more than God.

5. God uses seemingly unimportant people in very important ways. For each time I have been blessed by a gifted speaker’s message, I can also recall as many times (if not more) the life and testimony of an ordinary Christian that has impacted me deeply. God even uses young people to speak to others at a more personal level than a famous person could.

Read the last part here.

Just as I was finishing this article, a young teen’s home-made video  has been viewed more than 32 million times on the Internet. She joins a number of people whose name went from being unheard of to being recognized worldwide in relatively short time. Today, popularity has never been easier, fame never more instantaneous. A news article, a video on the Internet or television coverage of something you did can catapult you to a social success overnight.

With these developments, many young people are pouring out their energy in the quest for fame. The goal may be as grand as worldwide recognition or simply to just be popular in town or the social circle.

The youth group too is not immune to the quest for name recognition whether it be on the stage in person or through a technological presentation. I have cheered along when kids in my group would be up front to the accolades of people, who would not want their young people to shine? But lately, I’ve been reflecting that as encouraging as being cheered on could be, chasing fame may not be in the best interests of the youth ministry.

With fame comes a danger that many people, especially young teens, have a hard time recognizing or dealing with.¹

And not all youth are created for the spotlight. Many of the gifts in the Bible are not the upfront kind. ²

Now, consider Jesus’ example. Though the Lord became renowned throughout the land during his time, he avoided the spotlight as much as possible.

On one occasion “…he healed many who were sick with various diseases, and cast out many demons. And he would not permit the demons to speak, because they knew him.” Mark 1:34

Later, when told that everyone was looking for him, he said “Let us go on to the next towns, that I may preach there also, for that is why I came out.” Mark 1:38

His brothers even took note of his behavior. Before an upcoming big event they said to him, “Leave here and go to Judea, that your disciples also may see the works you are doing. For no one works in secret if he seeks to be known openly. If you do these things, show yourself to the world.” (John 7:24) But he did not agree.

Fame may be of some worth in man’s world but in God’s realm obscurity – being considered insignificant or little known, may be of greater value still.

Read the second part here.

Notes:

1. Dr. R. Millman of the Cornell School of Medicine, after years of observation notes that isolation, paranoia, depression and rage are common to celebrities. See article.
2. This comes from the GYMN Level 1 notebook, p.29, pp34-35 also give a listing of Biblical gifts.

Leadership and joy are words that many times do not go together. If you have been in ministry leadership for any length of time you may have found that joy is not always easy to come by. Sure, you can have fun in leadership, but fun is fleeting – it comes and it goes. Joy in comparison is a deep rooted Holy contentment. This holy foundation can only be found in the deep rooted truths of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It cannot be found in personal acceptance, in church and group numbers, in the amount of your budget or any other peripheral items of ministry. The core is the Good News, the Gospel. The core can only remain unshaken and full of joy when we prescribe to the joy seen in one of the most successful leaders of the New Testament, the Apostle Paul.

We could scour the pages of the New Testament for all of the attributes of Paul but for the sake of this article we will look only at a portion of the first chapter of the book of Philippians. Written from prison with a limited numerical direct impact/ministry, Paul continually counts the joys of ministry and His life. Imagine being chained to a guard constantly. You have a passion to proclaim the gospel around the globe, but you are restricted to a jail, and not just a jail, but you have to be chained to a guard day and night. What kind of joy can be found here?

Paul tells of that joy in Philippians 1:12-14. He does not ignore the circumstances and difficulties he finds himself in, but at the core, in the very depth of Paul’s being, is the calling and conclusion of the cause of Christ. Verse 13 states, “my imprisonment in the cause of Christ”. He saw his imprisonment as working out for the cause of Christ. A guard chained to him was a blessing for the gospel even though it may have been a personal inconvenience. In addition, Paul states that the brethren, “have far more courage to speak the word of God without fear” – all due to Paul’s joyful example.

Can you count all of the “circumstances” you are in? Are most of them unpleasant? It is our personal human nature to count bad things first. However, Paul, along with you and I, have the great opportunity, should we choose, to see the joy. To truly see the joy, we must realize that our joy is anchored to only one possible place: the Gospel truth—our salvation. No other place, possession or person is able to provide a protected core of joy.

Where is your joy being found? Where are you looking for joy and finding it fleeting? Have you checked the core of the Gospel? Have you forgotten the deep fresh joy of your conversion? Maybe it is time to take a journey to that place and then bring it forward into your ministry as your remember that only the Gospel proclamation can provide deep, everlasting joy for you and those in your ministry as well.

Paul also had to battle not just with circumstances, but also with people. People who would seek to rob his joy in leadership.

Philippians 1:15-18 speaks of how partners in the gospel proclamation sought to, “cause distress in my imprisonment”. Rarely do we find our distress in ministry to be from those outside of the faith (though some reading this in persecuted countries may have this as well). Most of our battles or at least a portion that needs to be recognized, come not from outside the walls but from within. Those who were causing Paul distress were preachers and fellow believers. They were not the persecutors of the faith, they were proclaiming the faith. Externally they were proclaiming, but they were operating out of impure, selfish motives. My pastor preached on these truths in a series on joy and he reminded us that most people that we have problems with act out in harm to others because of insecurity and jealousy. Think about the battles you have had with people and you find that most of the time this is true. Hurting people hurt people. Paul could have ventured into a discourse on the emotional needs of people here, but he chose to focus on the gospel alone.

Even though he was hurt, probably deeply, by those of the brotherhood, he focused on the gospel proclamation and found joy there. “Whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed; in this I rejoice, yes and I will rejoice.” Whether in distress or comfort, or “in life or death” (Phil. 1:20), Paul found joy.

Have you allowed people to take away the joy that Christ offers? Is there some forgiveness that you need to offer to others? Maybe you were not the recipient of the pain, but is it possible that you were a cause of affliction or pain to another Christian leader? If so, take this before the Lord now (do not wait to finish the article). Allow the Lord to lead you in what steps to take for personal healing for you and those around you.

Paul also could have lost his joy in another way as well. Paul, though a phenomenal man of God, was also a person like you and me. Do not put him up on an unapproachable pedestal of faith. Paul had weaknesses just like you and I. These weaknesses could have robbed Paul’s joy. I have seen this happen in many people who walk in shame, and though they are in ministry, they continue to hand out a joyless, “woe is me” faith to others. Do we all have struggles? Yes. Do we all have deep personal problems and even struggles with sin? Yes. Even Paul did as well. But how did he approach this area so as to not lose joy?

In Romans 7:19-24, Paul takes a personal visit to his sinful nature that plagues him, “For the good that I wish, I do not do; but I practice the very evil that I do not wish.” He also mentions being a prisoner of the law of sin in his body. Then in a cry out to God, he states, “Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?”. Have you ever felt your joy being stolen by your own sinfulness? Nothing takes our joy away faster and takes us deeper into despair than our very own sin.

I am so glad that Paul does not leave us there seeing his naked confession of pain and anguish of personal sin. Paul states that, “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Then in Romans 8:1, he boldly proclaims the deep, core of the Gospel, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” His joy could not be crushed. Condemnation cannot win. At least it cannot win when the truth of the Gospel is alive in us and remembered deeply.

How is your leadership joy? How is your self-leadership joy? I believe that although we addressed the three joy-stealers in the order of persecution (troubles), then people, then personal sin, the best way to work through these is in the opposite order. First, look at your personal sin nature and be reminded of the grace and victory of Christ over ALL condemnation. Paul proudly proclaims, there is NO condemnation for those in Christ. Joy replaces condemnation as we see Christ and what we are forgiven of and freed from. Secondly, I believe the deepest wounds that may need healing are wounds in dealing with others. It is not usually those outside the faith, but often those close to us that we trusted that may have somehow wounded us and robbed our joy. Lastly, take a look at circumstances and see the joy that comes out of persecution or negative circumstances. Is it possible that the Good News that God wants to proclaim through you is not just the preaching but the attitude and view you have of Christ’s joy in the midst of hard times? People are watching to see if the truth you proclaim is a truth that makes a real difference – a difference in the hard times as well as the good.

Joy that is unshakeable and unchangeable can only be found in the unmovable Christ and His unaltered Gospel. May you be reminded of His grace and forgiveness and find ways to show, in word and deed, the joy you have in Him to a joyless world around you.

Rejoicing in Christ,

Chris Davis

Global Youth Ministry Network

It’s February, when a young man’s fancy is led toward relationships, especially the romantic kind. Okay it’s mainly by the media. But let me touch a subject that will not only help a romantic relationship, but hopefully go beyond that, to every relationship. And since I’m writing to youth workers let me speak in the context of youth ministry. The beauty of a relationship goes beyond how it begins to how it endures.  This is all about restoring right relationships.

Many youth groups I know are at first glance a tight-knit community but the youth worker who knows the group may feel the tensions that are invisible to the outsider. Every community is a group of imperfect people coming together, which means that as the youth group grows and evolves relationships strain. They sometimes break.

Teens, especially, can be emotionally volatile. A phrase wrongly worded could be misinterpreted as an insult. Annoying ways while playing a friendly sport could turn into a full-blown fight…or worse. The point is we sin against others and relationships are broken. The youth group may be keeping deep emotions of anger and resentment beneath the surface.

This is bound to happen in any group short of perfection. But in Christ Jesus, there is a way for repentant sinners to be restored into beautiful relationships.

First off, we need to take a closer look at ourselves.

As youth leaders we ourselves will not be immune to chaotic relationships. Indeed the pressures of ministry may make leaders more prone to the temptation to hurt others. But one way we can lead the charge of preserving and restoring right relationships is to acknowledge this fact in ourselves and have the humility to indeed show that you are also a sinner. A sinner on the path of repentance.

Says Paul David Tripp,

“One of the ways I preach the Gospel is declaring my own need for it. And that can be done casually. I was talking to my 17-year-old son recently. I felt I’d been impatient with him. And I said: “It’s not going to be any surprise to you that I’m going to say I’m a sinner.” Well he laughed at that, because I also said: “You have a robust experience of the same.” Then I said, “You know there are times when I think of myself more than you, and last night was one of those times.” And he said, “I do the same thing with you Dad, and I forgive you.” After that exchange there was a warmth between us.

I think the same attitude of being humble and repentant can work wonders not only between parent and child but also for the youth worker with our relationships with our fellow peers and even those youth under our care.

We also need to look up. For God gives great priority to relationships. Christ Jesus says in the Gospel (Matt. 5:23-24):

“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

Translating this in the present day: If you are in the midst of worship and realize that you have offended [insert the name of a member of the youth group here]—stop your worship, make peace with him/her and then you can worship.

I would say that our relationships with others affect our relationship with God too.  Therefore, as youth leaders, helping your youth in mending their relationships will be very important to your ministry. So I pray you urge your youth to practice this, even as you model it in your life: If we are the ones in the wrong—make it a priority and run to forgiveness.

But what if we are the offended party?

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. ~Matthew. 18:15-17

“Go…” says the passage, telling us that we should begin the process that will lead to forgiveness even if we are the ones wronged. Not to offer forgiveness before a person owns up to wrongdoing, but rather to help one to realize that sin has occurred and lead both toward a restored relationship. What is necessary for that to happen is the courage of the offended party to confront his offender.

Too often, many misunderstandings and offenses reach the youth group (or the church) at large first, even before the person accused hears about it. Not because the one in the wrong refused to listen but because the one who felt the wrong did not have the courage to approach the other in a brotherly manner. And may have expressed his feelings to others…who told it to others. So if we are the ones wronged—still we should make it a priority that forgiveness be given a chance.

Sometimes though youth ministers have the unenviable role of being the mediator as one or both the people involved may not make the first step.

In this case–courage, wisdom and love is required in dealing with reconciliation. In situations like these, the sooner you bring people to the point of listening to one another the easier it will be to restore right relationship. For the purpose is always to gain a brother.

Our partner, the church, should not be forgotten in this. It is the last resort, usually when the problem is too big to handle and this takes the form of bringing the concerns to your immediate superior. We may be in charge of the youth but we don’t have all the answers to some problems and sometimes we may have to turn things over to people who are trained to handle these.

Let me say that this role as I have described here, the youth worker as a restorer of youth relationships is a great responsibility and not one to be taken lightly. Still, there is great joy to be found in it. Some time ago I was able to help two friends come to meet and discuss their differences and though the meeting did not end in agreement, there was a friendship preserved. One phrase stuck in my mind that later caused me to break down with tears, for I thought of Jesus saying these words to me: “Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called sons of God.”